Graduating in Epic Style

Graduation from college means three things: a) time to find a job, b) time to worry about paying back student loans, and c) time to party one last time in as epic a manner as possible.

There’s no need to end up in Bangkok with Zach Galifianakis, missing a friend and in possession of a monkey–although that would qualify as rather epic. Keep the level of fun above the “stupidity from alcohol poisoning” line so that expensive degree doesn’t go to waste . Mild headache the next day = fine. Tattoo on the face = not so fine.


With safety in mind, of course, the final party of the year cannot contain a mere keg, some pong, Sharpie mishaps, and lost cell phones. Tradition varies from school to school, but honoring the four years of lost sleep and sweating over exams with a night of all-out fun is almost a given. Think water balloon fights, except the water baloons are filled with Jell-o. Or Jell-o shots, to make things interesting.

Pro Tip: Wait until exams are over. Wait until the degrees are mailed out, even. Angry freshmen, sophomores, and juniors trying to study for finals creates a force with which not to contend, especially while intoxicated.

Taking Advantage of Your Surroundings

Learning amidst the beaches and graduating while it’s warm? Gather your peers for one last picnic on the sand. This is not very epic, at first glance, but add a twist–a drunken sand sculpture contest, perhaps? Or maybe Flip Flip-Flop, in the vein of Flip Cup, but with more juggling involved.

Buried in snow? Throw on a snowsuit and have a blast racing sleds. Drunkenly, if needed. At least 124 people claim alcohol improves pong ability; perhaps sledding falls under the umbrella of impaired skill judgment. Just be cognizent of traffic, lest the brains behind the newly obtained degree decorate someone’s bumper.

Class it Up

Entering into the adult world can be done without enacting the last vestiges of adolesence through liver damage. Find a group of civilized peers and make reservations somewhere fancy–without causing a riot and/or getting kicked out. The realization that comes with slipping the waiter an extra $50 for that table in the back will set the tone of the rest of the “real” world: you get what you can afford and it’s all about networking.

This seems to be a heartier post-graduation lesson than how many beers it takes to vomit, but I’m no expert.

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One Comment

  1. Posted August 10, 2011 at 10:38 pm | Permalink

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